Come in, relax, pick up a book and take a seat. Listen to writers give tips, talk about their lives and pass the time of day. Read until your heart's content and forget about what's going on outside. Isn't that what a library is all about?
goodness sake! Whose stupid idea was it to put a novel into print?Yeah,
that’d be mine then.I
had never really felt the need before and was perfectly happy with all my books
on Kindle and Smashwords. They’re doing fine there. Occasionally I would get
asked if someone could buy a physical copy and I would shrug and suggest that
they downloaded it onto their phone or something. Admittedly that wasn’t
awfully helpful for those who pulled out a brick-sized, battered Nokia, but
hey, they probably wouldn’t really have bought my book anyway. Would they?And
then I saw it.It
was a photo of Jalpa Williby holding her latest novel. Outside her front door.
was jealous, I admit it. I yearned to post photos of my novel and all these
random images went strolling through my head.
cat holding my novel in her little ginger paws.
novel by the toilet - what? We all do that, just admit it.
novel on the edge of the bath.
novel driving the car (that one might be harder to fake, but not as hard as
keeping the cat still.)
novel watching TV with me, knitting, having dinner, watching a soccer game
under an umbrella.
possibilities are endless.
My unborn novel took on a personality of its own and I wanted it so bad. I wanted to touch its
glossy cover and in the tradition of all proper readers, I wanted to thoroughly
I did it.
logged onto Createspace and I did it.
would love to end there so that you all thought I was amazing and clever and produced a print book just like that. But I would be lying and I only do
that on very special occasions.
I did an awful lot of screaming, some swearing and a fair bit of threatening over a terrible four day period, in which lots of awful things happened in the world and I saw none of it.
those of you who understand that you type in A4 on your laptop, well that’s
awesome, but I didn’t. You cannot load an A4 size manuscript into a 6 x 9 inch
book and expect Createspace not to bark at you. I wasted a whole weekend trying
to eliminate inexplicable gaps from the proof that just appeared without
warning and I Googled solutions until I was mystified. Lots of posts about gaps
and the frustration of gaps.
private technical specialist, who also foolishly married me was away for a few
days, luckily for him. He looked at me strangely on his return, probably
because I was still sitting in the exact same spot as when he left, wearing my
pyjamas, only now I looked oddly crazed and demented through sleep deprivation.
He had driven for 12 hours through hail, sleet and snow, toured a university
and slept in a noisy motel and my first words to him were,
can’t make this stupid thing work!”
if it hadn’t been for Demelza Carlton, author of the Ocean’s Gift Series, there
would be no print copy! My stroke and sniff urge would have died a tragic,
painful death by technomoron. She took me, a blithering stranger under her wing
and put up with my dumb questions and nursed me through a process that I’m not
sure I ever want to go through again. So, thank you Demelza Carlton for your tireless patience from across the ditch and international generosity for a fellow Oceanian. (And please can my moronic agonies with the cover remain a well-kept secret? Other people don't need to know all my mistakes, this is humiliating enough!)
got an email this morning.
interior and cover files for Blaming the Child meet our technical requirements
for printing. The next step in the publishing process is to proof your
Oh, the excitement!
Until I saw the damn postage price.
$7 if I don’t mind not seeing it until late September. $17 if I can wait until the end of August. $33 and I have no idea what for because I couldn’t bear
to look anymore. I figure for that price, a Createspace representative will be
knocking on my door having read and reviewed it on the plane over.
I wanted to pay the $7 and sulk and complain for 2 months,
but my financial advisor and credit card controller (who also doubles as my
technical specialist in case you thought I was a bigamist) took pity on himself
and paid the $17 so now he only has to put up with me sulking for one month.
When it finally arrives I will be temporarily elated and
promise that I will take lots of wonderful pictures. Then I will pick holes in
it, find mistakes and decide that I don’t like the cover. Because unfortunately
things don’t stay shiny for as long as we want them to.
Blaming the Child, my teen mystery will be out in
You will be the first to see it, warts and all. Unless there’s
something wrong with the cover and then you’ll never even know it arrived...