As
a mother, it never ceases to amaze me how vigilant parents are in safeguarding
their precious child from ‘stranger-danger’, boogie men on the short walk home,
taking sweets from others that may be laced with drugs and not accepting random
offers of a ride home. The principle of never change location, never be
unaccounted for, always be reachable by mobile phone or average pitched shout,
are as clear to this generation as it was to mine. Other people are not your
friend.
 |
| Me and my sister knew to trust nobody |
Until
it comes to the wonderful world of the internet.
Just
because our child ‘talks’ about someone as a friend, appears to know heaps
about them and repeats endless snippets of veiled hero worship, does not mean
they are safe people for our precious charge to be around. Nor does it mean our
child really knows them or has ever met them in person. You might just assume they have. Listen harder.
My
generation believed ‘strangers’ were three headed monsters with forked
tails and cloven hooves, when actually they were the vaguely known man down the
street who was always trying to get you to come into his kitchen for a moment
to admire his cute dog.
What
is a stranger for this generation?
The
answer is NOBODY. There’s no such thing as a stranger. Why? Because of the internet.
The
snatching of children on their way to school was prevalent in 2000’s UK when I
was struggling to raise my 4 in the Midlands. I would let my 10 year old twins
walk the half a mile to school provided they stayed together, talked to nobody
on the way, crossed with the lollipop lady and didn’t stop in the play park.
Most times I would walk behind them with my youngest daughter, taking sneeky
peeks round walls, hedges and trees to make sure they were doing as I asked. I
only found out recently they knew I was there and used to giggle about me with
a degree of irritation.
Four
times in 2005 I was greeted by the infamous ‘note’ from the headmaster falling
out of the empty lunch box after school. My blood would run cold at the open
letter addressed to all parents trying desperately to help their children to
independence in a terrifyingly dangerous world.
‘Parents,
please be aware that the police have notified us of an attempted snatching of a
school child in this area. They are currently looking for a white car, last
seen at.....
We
ask for your vigilance in this matter...’
We
went back to walking together. They knew the rules. Trust nobody.
With
the internet, our children can chat to people on the other side of the world,
admire their photos and share in their exciting life. How amazing they’re the
same age as our child, enjoy the same sports and hobbies and have the exact
same issues with girl or boyfriends as them. What an amazing coincidence and
how wonderful as a parent to experience the satisfaction of a happy child with
good friends to confide in.
When
my children went off to a friend’s house in the UK, I either knew the parents
and where they lived, or we had a frank phone conversation. As a mother I was
open to such scrutiny. Why wouldn’t I be when I expected the favour returned?
But
what about internet friends? How on God’s green earth can you check them out as
a parent, especially a technically challenged one who has data on her phone
which she has never yet worked how to use?
“Oh,
I hate computers,” I hear parents say. “I can’t even programme the DVD
recorder.”
Then
learn!!!
It’s
like when the child closes their bedroom door and peers at the laptop screen,
they enter Narnia, going wherever and with whomever they like without
accountability. And the hapless parent stands smiling aimlessly AND LETS THEM.
How
would those same parents feel if they knew that 14 year old Bianca from Auckland,
who’s been chatting to their darling Paul for six months is actually dirty
Brian from round the corner, a 64 year old convicted pedophile with a long criminal history of crimes against children? He doesn’t need to go watching
play parks or driving around in his car anymore. He just buys stock photos of
his wonderful pretend life and invents an online persona on social media and
hey presto, the poor kids come to him. (Just to clarify, there is nothing wrong
with the name Brian - it’s an example, before all the Brians in Auckland get upset.)
Next
time your child slams the front door with the shout, “Off to
see.................. I’ll be back later!” you need to be running after them
making sure you’ve actually met this friend who’s only a bus ride across town.
You
can’t put your head in the sand and expect it not to happen to your child. You
should be their ‘friend’ on all social media and have access to their online
passwords. It’s not cruel. It’s not an invasion of their privacy. It’s your duty
as a parent to protect them. If they don’t like it, that’s fine. No computer.
It was the rule in our house and faced with the equivalent of internet solitary
confinement, we got those passwords. My husband works in IT and is something of
a guru, so my kids were convinced he could see anything they wrote. He couldn’t
but it made them more careful. Maybe I shouldn’t confess that now, but I don’t
think they read my blogs.
If
you aren’t confident online as a parent, I’m sorry but that is no excuse. Find
someone who is or take one of the free computer courses often available at local
colleges. Ignorance will be no defence when you’re mopping up the aftermath of
an avoidable crisis.
And
don’t get me started on Kindles. Yes they’re fantastic as long as you put your ‘wise
head’ on before you hand it over. It’s not just the dent an enthusiastic reader
can put in your credit card either. That’s the least of your problems.
When
I was researching keywords to put my teen books under, I trawled around the
books in the teen categories for inspiration.
“OH
MY GOODNESS!” Yeah, you really don’t want to know what I found lurking under
the ‘teen’ guise, especially the free books. There were sex scenes that made my
hair curl and I didn’t think that was possible. Some of it was plain
disgusting. Your child’s Kindle should be registered to YOUR email address, not
theirs, because you need to see the purchases. Then all you have to do is go
onto Amazon, find that book title and use the ‘Look inside’ facility, where you
can read the first 10% of that book. If you’re not happy with what your child
or teen is purchasing, you need to have that talk. But delete that book from
their device and get a refund. Yes, you can request a refund and definitely
tell Amazon why you aren’t happy.
Just
understand, as an author, I could potentially shove up any old rubbish with a
cover and a title, fulfil all the requirements of the metadata and TELL YOUR
CHILD ANYTHING I WANT through the pages of my corrupt work. I don’t. But I
could.
If
you’re picking up some frustration here then it’s because I’ve had one
conversation too many, with parents who are happy to let their child go down
the rabbit hole without following them or knowing what they do in there.
Look,
I took every possible precaution to protect my children from ill doers as they
grew up. I got involved in what they got interested in, I sat through boring
committee meetings and spent hundreds of Saturdays doing things I really didn’t
want to. I thought I’d done ok until recently, when the leader of one of my
children’s clubs was prosecuted. My kids were unmolested, thank God and we were
all good parents and couldn’t have stopped it happening because it was too
covert.
But
the internet is another story. It’s an open doorway into your child’s bedroom.
Are you happy with that?
If
not, learn to shut the door! Because I promise you this, “I’m sorry, I didn’t
know,” will not comfort you when it’s all too late.
 |
| Me aged 3 |
#internet safety
#childabuse
#firstworldproblems
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